part 3...
Flashback:
He watched her put on her jacket in front of her locker, they had both just gotten off. He took a deep breathe and walked towards her. He knew what he needed to do, tell her he was leaving, but how the fuck should he do that!?
-Hey you! She said and gave him a hug when she saw him. Everything was finally normal and now he had to leave. Or not completly normal he was still in love with her.
-Hi.. So ermm.. Em, I need to talk to you about something. She looked at him and got scared, or maybe it was something about that day.. Good thing he wasn't the one who could become pregnant. She thought. Not a time to joke! She then told her self.
-What is it? You're freaking me out now? She said and tried to smile, he was very rarely this seriours. He smiled a smile he knew would comfort her alittle.
-I'll tell you when we get home okay? She nodded but was about to explode.
They sat on the old swings in his garden. She looked at him, but he didn't say anything.
-Are you like dying or something? She said and it made him smile even though it wasn't funny.
-No no.. It's not that scary. He said and looked down at his feet.
-So what is it?
-It's just.. erm.. I don't now how to... He got interrupted of a phone ringing it was hers.
-2 seconds. she said and got it out of her pocket.
-Hi dad. Or bonjour! She said happily down the phone:
-I can't wait for you to come, it's gonna be so great. You and me in london and that musical you've got tickets for looks amazing. Harry smiled at her, she looked so happy and he knew she was talking so much that her dad couldn't get a word in. Then suddenly her smiled desapered.
-What are you saying? Harry looked at her worried.
-Oh okay.. No no it's okay. Some other time.. No I'm not mad.. Yearh I love you too dad. She said and Harry knew what had happened. Her dad had canceled on her.. again.
He got up from the swing and gave her a hug. He couldn't hear it but he knew she was crying. He hated it.
-Don't cry. We can make something funny, we can go to london. He said, but then again they couldn't cause he was leaving. She pulled away and looked at him and smiled a weak smile. He knew it wasn't really a comfort.
He knew how her and her mom wasn't getting along and how her and her dad.. well they loved each other. he still remembered the night her dad had left. They had sat in his room all night and planned how the two of them would make the best life without their parents! They had been what.. 8..
She dried her eyes.
-So what was it you wanted to tell me?
He sank a lump, he couldn't tell her now it would destroy her. He shoke his head.
-You know what i forgot. It wasn't that important. He said in his best convincing voice and smiled. He gave her a hug more and as he stood there and helt her he really didn't know how to tell her, he was leaving in a fucking week!
It was friday and she stood outside the lockerroom waithing for Harry to come out so they could get home.
-Hey Em. She heard someone say and she looked up and saw Michael her ex.
-Hi she said. things was still weird between them. She was still mad at him, but then again she thought she'd always be.
-Waiting for Judd? He asked and she just nodded, she knew him an Harry hated each other.
-Well it's also to make the best of the time there's left. She looked up at him, what the fuck was he talking about.
-What do you mean? Was this just one of his bad jokes.
-Harry is leaving? Emily's world crashed down when she heard does 3 little words, leaving what the fuck was he talking about?
-You didn't know? He asked and she swore she could se alittle smile on his lips.
-What the hell are you talking about!? She yelled at him and felt tears in her eyes, which she struggled to hold back she didn't want Michael to see her cry.
-That band audition he went to well he got it and now he's moving to London. She felt a couple of drops hit her head. It couldn't be true! He would have told her. the rain started to pour down.
The door opened again and it was Harry he smiled when he saw her, but the smile quikly disapered again when he saw how sad she looked. Then he turned his head and looked at Michael, he couldn't stand that guy!
-What have you done!? He said in an angry tone.
-Dude you're the only one who can answer that. he said and then looked at Emily.
-I'm gonna go before I get completly soaked. Emily felt the well known lump in er throat.
-What is going on? Harry asked and gently grapped her arm. She looked up at him with the most hurten look he had ever seen. And then he knew, she knew.
-Emily.. He begun but she interrupted.
-Just save it Harry! Were you just gonna leave without telling me!?
-No of course not, I just.. I just didn't know how to tell you. I didn't wanna hurt you.
-Well this way you surtainly didn't do that! I can't belive you didn't tell me!
-I tried to tell you! Harry yelled through the rain.
-The day my dad called? She asked in a low voice so he barely could hear it. He nodded.
-I'm sorry i should have told you it's just not easy.
-When are you leaving? She asked alittle more calm, not sure she wanted to know.
-Sunday.
-Sunday! She yelled and he felt bad.
-How long have you known? She then asked and he didn't wanna say.
-For 3 weeks.
-I can't belive you! Harry we tell each other everything!.. Or atleast I thought so. Well have a great time in london! She said gave him one look and then turned around to walk away. She didn't realise untill now how much she was freezing or how wet she was.
-Emily wait! He yelled after her. She could hear him run and a second later he grapped her arm.
-For what!? You're leaving. Leaving me here to rod on my own with my mom and that jerk of a stepdad! She screamed at him, she had never been this sad, not even when her parents got devorst. he didn't say anything. He felt a lump in his throat, she had never screamed at him like that. He wanted her to be okay, he wanted to tell her how he felt.
-Emily don't be mad! You knew when I auditioned that it could happen..
-Yearh! But I didn't know that you were gonna lie to me! Or maybe I just didn't thought about tha fact that you were gonna leave. Her tears got mixed up with the raindrops. She looked at him again and she just wanted to scream! She loved him but right now she hated him! She didn't know she had so many different feelings and it made her confused. She got her arm out of his grip and started to run.
It was the next day , She hadn't left her room since yesterday Harry had called a thousand times but she never picked up. It knocked on the door. She was about to scream that she just wanted to be alone.
-Phone. her mom said.
-Who is it?
-Emma.
Emily felt weird his mom was calling? She picked up the phone.
-Hello?
-Hi Emily. It's Emma.
-Hi. She just said.
-So we're having a going away party for Harry tonight. And I just wanted to know if you wanted to come?
No she didn't wanna come to his stupid going away party! She thought.
-Yearh. Sure. Of course. She said.
-Good. See you at 8. Emily stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked awfull. She realised she was starving and went down to get some food. The doorbell rang. But no one answered.
-Mom the door! She yelled not bothered to open herself. But there came no answer, where the fuck were they? She sighed and went to the door.
She froze when she saw Harry standing there.
-What are you doing here? She just asked.
-Emily I wanna talk to you! I need to talk to you!.. She interrupted.
-Well. your mom already invited me to your going away party. So she saved you the trouble.
-Emily come on..
-Don't worry I'll dress up nicely! She said and slammed the door in his face. She felt the tears burning in her eyes. Why was she beeing such a bitch?
-EMILY! She heard him yell from outside but she ignored him and went upstairs...
She had been avoiding Harry all night at his party. Which actully was quite easy. When everyone was in the livingroom she sneaked into the kitchen and took the half empty bottle of champagne and went upstairs. She pushed the door to Harrys room open and felt a lump in her throat when she saw that everything was gone. it looked so big without the bed the table and the drumkit. She had actully never noticed the colour of the room. But that was because the walls had always been covered up with posters. She took a big sip of the champagne. She could already feel the alcohol taking over her mind. But not in the good happy way it used to. It made her more and more sad for every sip. Her eyes landed on the big sting in the corner of the room. She smiled. She had been 5 years old and had spilt cola on his floor. She remembered she had cried because it coldn't be washed off. She took another big sip of the champagne to wash away the memory.
-What are you doing. She heard Harry say from behind.
-Just enjoying the party. She said in a careless voice and downed the last champagne. She stood up stumbleling and walked for the door.
-Emily, please don't do this, I don't wanna leave like this. She turned around and looked at him.
-Then don't leave harry. She said and felt the tears burning in her eyes.
-You know I can't stay. This is my dream. He said in a low voice and grapped her hand.
-I know.. She said and looked down at his hand:
-But what about our dream? To go to Manchester together.. Harry I can't do it on my own. She said and broke down. The tears started floating and she couldn't do anything to stop it, she looked up at him.
-I can't do it without you Harry. He sat down next to her and helt her.
-Sshh, Don't cry, then you're just gonna make me cry. he said and she smiled a weak smile while crying.
-Of course you can do it without me. You're strong, beautifull, funny. Everyone will love you. It made her cry even harder.
-What am I gonna do without you Harry?
-You'll be fine, sweetie. But please tell me you forgive me, cause I can't leave if you're mad at me? He looked into her eyes and she wanted to say she couldn't forgive him, just to make him stay but she couldn't.
-Of course.. I'm sorry I got mad at you it was just.. You didn't tell me and then of all people I had to hear it from him! She said and for a second got her tears unter contro. But only for a second.
-Harry, what am I gonna do without you?.. What am I gonna do with out you? She kept repeading in a low voice.
-Ssh.. He said and a silent tear ran down his cheek as he tried to make her calm. He realised that as he helt her like that he didn't wanna let go, he didn't wanna hurt her.
-I love you Harry.. She whispered. And it was like his heart skipt a beat.
-I... He began but she put her finger on his lip.
-Don't say it.. I don't wanna know. It will just make everything harder...
*
She whiped away her tears. She couldn't bare think of it anymore. Couldn't bar think of the next day when she had seen him for the last time.
She had really meant what she said when she said she loved him. She really really had.. But was he gonna say it back, when she stopped him? Now she doubted it.
I touch you once, I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price.
I need you now like I needed you then.
You always said we'd still be freinds someday...
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