Is it worth the pain? s/a

It is worth the pain?


Love
What is it? There’s no way to really describe it, is there?
You know, there’s always the bubbly feeling in your stomach when you think of that one special person, and the fantastic feeling you get when he’s near you. But was is it that makes you love someone, or fall in love?
It is the way he acts, his look, the way he looks at you when he talks to you, or is it just everything about him?
Have you ever been really in love, or at least felt like you were?

I never have or never did; well that was until He came into my life. The first day he stepped into the room was the day I fell in love for the first time. A love I never wanted to loose again.
Sure I’ve thought that guys were cute and good-looking, but he just took my breath away.
The way he made everything seem like it was perfect, and the way he stood out from the other guys. His lovely laugh and the sparkle he always had in his beautiful ocean blue eyes, made me get completely lost in him.

The worst part about it was; that he didn’t notice me, never did he lay his beautiful blue eyes upon me.
He hung out with the cool kids, while I was with my close friends. I had always been the nerdy girl, the one who always stayed by herself, the one who didn’t belong with the popular kids.

But that changed.
As my love for him grew, my confidence grew too.
I did everything I possibly could to get his attention.
I know!
What a stupid idea.
They say, what you shouldn’t look for love, but let love look for you, and what I did was the total opposite.
What I did, was the stupidest thing I could have ever done.
I went to a party.
My cousin had been invited to a party, and she convinced me to go too. I never really wanted to. Getting drunk and having horrible hung over the next day, wasn’t exactly how I planned to turn out.

I did turn out that way though.
Partying became a lifestyle to me; I became more and more addicted to party every Friday and Saturday.
Only because I knew he would be there.
I wanted his attention.
I wanted him to look at me the way I looked at him; with love.

One of the moments I remember the most is when I realised what I’d been doing all this time.
It was a cold night and I was at a party. Drunken people were lying around the house and grass outside and I was ‘only’ half as drunk as they were.
I was just walking around outside the house and suddenly my eye caught something on the other side of the road; a house or more what was inside of it.
The light was on, on the first floor and through the window I could see a couple standing with their arms wrapped around each other.
They were the same age as I was, and they looked more in love and happy than I’d been for the last couple of months, if not longer than just a couple of months.

I realised that they probably hadn’t lost most of their friends, because of a sudden personality change, and that they had each other.
As to me, I had nothing.
No real friends, no real joy in life like I used to have, but most of all; I still hadn’t even talked to Him yet.

Why did I give this entire up?
For a boy who never even laid his eyes on me.
The most stupid thing I ever did was not to go to the party. It was to change myself for a boy, a boy who never knew who I was!

Back to the story and the point of this story;
I sat on the grass, pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them.
Suddenly I felt someone sit down next to me; I turned to my right and saw Him. The one I’d been in love with the past months, and now he was sitting here next to me.
I remember we just sat on the grass next to each other, neither of us knew what to say.
Deep inside we were both to different to even start a conversation, and that was not what I wanted.
Every girl knows that a relationship can’t work if you don’t have anything to talk about, and we certainly didn’t.

After sitting next to him for about 5 minutes I got up. He got up too, and asked me where I was going. And I remember giving him this answer:
“I’m going home, Danny. To do the thing I love the most; spend the evening with my real friends and family.”
I walked away, leaving him stunned at the front yard, probably thinking about what I just said. Being with my family and true friends was how I wanted to spend my teenage-years.

And now you ask; what’s the point of this story I’ve been telling you, well I’ll tell you.
See, no matter what happens to you, love is always in the way.
As I am writing this, I keep listening to this one song over and over again, and I have been doing it all day.

‘Be true to your heart’
That’s what they keep singing.
Was I ever true to my heart? I know I was when I fell in love, but did I do the right thing? I now realise that instead of doing every possibly thing to get someone’s attention you should just let love come to you.

No matter what would have happened with him, if I didn’t realise what I’d been doing, I don’t regret my decision.
I chose real love instead of the one I thought I loved.
Now I feel so stupid for acting this way about a ‘fling’, except it wasn’t. It wasn’t even a fling, since I was the only one who cared.
But now I know that no matter what, I’m never going to forget what he got me through and what the experience taught me.

If he doesn’t love you back, then is it really worth the pain?