I walked frankly into the huge white painted church, the choir sang a quiet but honest and tear-jerking song. As I sat down on the brown painted benches, every inch of my body was numb. All of My emotions painfully making a lump in my belly. I frustrated let my hands onto the bench, and felt my palm sticking onto it, I was seriously sweating like a pig. My eyes shifted frightened from side to side, doing everything to escape the white coffin in front of me. inhaling deeply I looked down on myself, straighten the folders and held my head high, trying to seems less as a mess. Letting my index finger wipe away the escaping tear, I let the fresh air entry my lungs to briefly blow it all out in a sigh of regret.
The ceremony was beautiful. Describing ever detail of her short but exciting life. I tripped my feet on the tiled floor, feeling the water in my eyes. Trying to stay strong I looked at the ceiling, angels in different colours was painted beautifully. Letting my eyes settle on the floor again, I felt her there, as if she was looking at me, telling me that everything would be alright. I looked at the wooden material surrounding the stand, and wiped my hands dry on my pants. Inches away from a brake down, I got up from my seat breathing in heavily and walked up to the stand, raising my head I saw the faces of friends and family. All in this together, for better and for worse. Clearing my throat, I closed my eyes and let my head rest on the microphone holding back the tears.
“I stand here, trying to find words of comfort. Trying to understand why she had to leave so soon, now all I wish is that I had told her, that she meant more then that interview. But I was stubborn enough to let her drive, in the middle of the night. Gabriella, when you left us you took a part of me with you. But I know, that a part of you will always be with us.”I said as the tears fell down my cheeks, I looked at the little girl, her deep brown eyes staring unknowing off the sorrow in her life, down on her little dress.
“I remember when I would hug you and say I love you, you'd giggle and say I love you more. So Gaby, I thank you for all the smiles, you've placed in peoples hearts. I just hope you can find peace, in this better place where you are now. I know I've never said these words enough. But I've never said anything more true then them.. Gaby- I love you!”I finished and walked down to my seat.
Shaking the emotions off my body, I got up from my seat and walked over to the coffin. Grabbing the cold metal handle I breathed in the thick air and forced my weak arms to help as much as possible carrying the coffin down the church isle. Slowly as we walked, people started to followed us and as we got to the long black car, I let got of the handle and stepped aside. Running my hand through my dirt blonde hair, I watched the black car fade away in the distance.
I wanted so badly to turn back time and say that if she'd touch that car key, I'd lock her into the house. Do anything, just to see her again.
“Daddy!”A tiny voice called behind me, turning around I saw the little blonde girl fiddling with her dress.
She reminded me so much off her mother, strong, happy and gorgeous. The only thing to prove that she was mine, was her brown eyes and the dimple on her cheek. I bend down, so my knees were digging into the ice cold pavement and wiped a straw off her blonde hair away from her eyes. “Where's mummy?”She looked at me with dry eyes, but yet an emotional expression. I picked her up in my arms and smiled the best I could for her.
“She's in a better place baby!”I said, and looked down the street were the car had vanished just a few minutes before. She placed her small head on my shoulder and stuck her thumb into her mouth.
“I love you, Aurora!”I kissed her cheek softly. Closing my eyes I remembered Gaby, her face and body, eyes and lips, hair and smile.
Flashback.
“Why should I wanna keep this baby, you don't want this and neither do I!!” Gaby yelled at me.
“You're probably going to leave me in the night. So you might as well piss off now!”The words was aching, slowly breaking my heart. I sighed and shook off the shock.
“How can you think off me that way? -maybe, yes I don't want a baby now. But! No matter what we say now, you are pregnant and I'm the father.”I said and looked at the pregnancy test I found in the trashcan.
Her mysterious blue eyes were tearing, as her long blonde hair were hanging perfectly down her back.
“I'm not like the other girls. I'm not pretty, I don't have the perfect body, you could get something better then this!”She cried quietly. Smiling to myself, I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her.
“That's your way. My way is, you're so gorgeous and I don't understand.. how you'd stay with me, you're body is so, unbelievable. I, I wow.”I grinned as a picture of her body pumped into my head.
“You are the perfect girl for me!”I said, as I realised that there wasn't anywhere I'd be or anyone else I'd rather spend my life with, then her. She slowly pulled away and smiled, I wiped the tears away from her cheek and brushed my lips softly onto hers. Kissing her passionately
End of flashback. I heard Danny's voice in the background, telling everyone that we appreciate them showing up, but there wouldn't be any coffee. Turning around I saw my three best mates, looking understanding and emotional themselves at me. I put Aura down on the ground and greeted everyone, to say another thank you but goodbye. At last, I hugged her family, her mother and father sister and brother. Just looking into their eyes seeing that my sorrow were at least as big as theirs. My mother looked worried at me with red puffy eyes and my father, trying to hold back the tears in his eyes.
“Sweetie, are you sure you don't wanna come with us, to get away have a mug off tea and just some quiet time?”My mother asked as I pulled out of her grip. I nodded and looked at Aura, who sat quietly on the ground playing with some stones.
“Sure?”she asked me again.
“Yeah mum, but thanks anyway! I'll be fine!”I assured my parents and hugged my father.
“He's gonna stay at ours tonight, don't worry Deb!”Harry said with a soft smile on his lips.
My mother nodded and followed after my father over to their car. I got the pushchair and placed Aura in it, walking up to the guys and looked at Harry. He just smiled at me.
“What did you mean?”I finally questioned.
“You're gonna stay at mine and Cheryl's place with the rest of they guys.”He responded as we approached our cars. I looked at Danny and Dougie, both nodding in agreement. Simply shaking my head, I unlocked my blue mini and opened the car door. Aura's eyes was about to close as I softly picked her up and placed her in her own chair. I walked around the car and opened my door.
“I'm not sure. I might just need some space, get things out of my mind and be alone.”I spoke.
“You shouldn't be alone!”Dougie mumbled and got into his car. I scratched my head and looked at Danny, he just shrug and got into his car, following Dougie out of the parking lot.
“Tom, I know it's hard. I can't imagine how it is, but you shouldn't cut your friends off. Come over to my place, you and Aura can go home if you can't take it. Okay?”He said convincing and rested his arm on the door.
“Alright.”I said and nodded before I got into the car.
I pushed the key into the lock and forcefully turned it, hearing the engine humming softly. Turning my head to Aura I smiled softly and saw her little face sleeping safely.
“Let's go home gorgeous!”I drove out of the parking lot and out onto the street.
The music was playing softly in the background as I stopped at the red light. Looking at the floor I saw Gaby's purée silver heart necklace and white cardigan. I stretched out my arm to pick the things up, and placed it on my lap, as I heard the first honk behind me, I realising the green light. As the street went straight I let her cardigan up to my nose and smelled her sense, letting it circulate my system. She smelled so good. I let the necklace away and let the cardigan up to my nose again. I this time, closed my eyes and drifted off. First when a loud honk made I realised that I drove in the wrong side, where a truck was coming closer. I in panic turned the wheel as much as I could and drove right into a tree, as I felt car crash my feet started to ache just as my head. But all I could thing about was Aura, when I heard her scream I relived drifted out of the shock and blacked out.
“Tom, Tom!”I heard her voice. Forcefully I opened my eyes and felt the white light burn into my eyes, blinking a few times to adjust my view, I looked at her.
“Gaby!”
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Som jeg har sagt tidligere, så er det længe siden jeg har skrevet. Og det er det her essay vidst et got eksempel på.. Men anyway, håber alle der læser der vil efterlade en kommentar..
Synes i? d;
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